Originally
posted by
locket:
Hmm.. far more gracious than I expected....
i'm seeing a therapist right now (love it / recommend it to everyone). one of the most interesting things i've learned so far is about how to deal with narcissists. first, important to note that many psychiatrists regard narcissistic personality disorder as not entirely dissimilar from mental retardation in that it's highly unlikely that a narcissist will be able to overcome their handicap. they have the moral development of a young child and are usually unable to understand the perspective of others, though in their minds they may feel completely opposite, via consuming self-aggrandizement. it feels to me like a sort of "locked in" state.
in such, dealing with a narcissists requires certain strategies, since you cannot effect real change in them with appeals to reason or empathy. many of the strategies are similar to how you discipline a toddler: warning, follow-through. obviously you can't always take this approach if the narcissist is a person in authority above you (which, interestingly, is where narcissists gravitate, since western culture rewards selfish behavior). when a narcissist holds higher status, every message you try to convey must be couched in praise, since that is what they ultimately seek - the praise and affection of others, with disregard for the well being of the other.
one method for communicating displeasure with a narcissist (since they are handicapped from internalizing criticism, however valid and glaringly obvious) is what could be called a "sh*t sandwich," in which you approach the narcissist with praise, followed by the message you intend to communicate, and end with further praise.
unless the narcissist is really far down the spectrum toward being anti-social or psychopathic, he can often digest the sh*t in the sandwich, though it will give him indigestion, so long as there are sufficient pats on the narcissists' head.
this is all really well documented in both professional and popular literature. some people, like ben, may have a natural flair for communicating in this manner.
