If you were to give 3 pieces of advice to someone who just turned 18, what would they be?

Canada or France - Which country is slightly less worse than the other and why?

And lastly, please tell us a funny drunk story?

Thanks

lol great thread, really looking forward to these answers.


also would love to hear the same answered by dibs

He is more than welcome to answer these questions as well, but ZEN might get angry for dibs attempting to steal his thunder...

no one could ever steal ZENs thunder dont ever forget that

shh. thought i heard someone. maybe they'll step closer to the side of the bridge.

Wait...the moral of the story here is Trife just turned 18?
Fack.

TTT

TTTTT

TTT!!!

yes, i'm newly legal

ZEN!!

ttt

get a pissant job now. work on getting a college degree as fast as the pissant job can afford to pay for it. avoid borrowing money from rich people, get them to give it to you for free.

oh, and don't listen to the teachers if they deviate from the specified curriculum and start going on and on about how their lack of success has landed them in a teaching position which required them to form a union so they could strike and extort undeserved money and benefits from the successful people who actually have to pay the taxes required to support their lack of success that landed them in a position where they're stuck teaching something that they probably don't have a clue about how it's really done. just smile at them and say "Thank You For Giving Me Knowledge Of Your Opinion".

zen is such an ass for ignoring this

Why the hate Trife, why?

Who's ignoring. Posting/Reading AT is like growing old with erectile dysfunction. It just takes longer for me to get there.

So here is response to #1.

"If you were to give 3 pieces of advice to someone who just turned 18, what would they be?"

I wish my advice was universal and could be used for both male and female, but fortunately it's not.

So let's start with the Ladies:

- Enjoy the next 5 years. Do stupid things. Enjoy your easy to maintain body. Don't be a b-itch.

- Don't become a stripper. Stripper's are worse than a domesticated animal. You actually feel bad beating a domesticated animal. The worst part is, they are too stupid to realize how pitiful their lives are.

- Get ready for a life of challenge. If you want to be successful, work hard and put up with a lot of crap. However, the hardest job on the planet is being a mother. Don't feel inferior if you choose the route of a stay at home wife/mother. Most successful women usually have to spend a lot of time with a full mouth in order to get there.

For the Men.

- That girl you're with or want to be with is not the one. Ya...I know there are stories of high school sweet hearts, but you don't want to be one of those poor bastards. So don't take it seriously. You're probably going to mess it up. Not to mention she's dumb, this goes for most women under the age of 25. They can't help it. Hormones.

- Spend time with your friends. You aren't going to hang out with them forever. Unless you start to fancy one of them and you move to MA like Trife and I did. That is a whole different set of tips (ha ha tip) that you are going to need/require/insert/penis.

- Last, but definitely not least. Stick it in everything you possibly can (WEAR PROTECTION). Quality is not necessarily better than quantity. I am a firm believer that three 3's do equal one 9. Mind you, it should be done at the same time and never talked about. Careful of the hooves. There are a ton of ways to accomplish this. Please find a list of the following I have found to work: Lying. Money. Booze. Degradation. Using the three words (also see "lying"). Things that are not as important but do help. Good looks. Chloroform. Sense of humor. Chloroform. A mixture of everything.

For example: *Enter into bar* *Spot female* *Approach* Repeat the following "Hey fatty, I think I might be in love with you. Let me buy you a drink, please hold my money wad".

Hope this helps. This might not apply to you or help you in any way, but I was taught to plan for the majorities not for the exceptions.

I will follow up with the answers to the other two when I get my shipment of blue pills in.

Oh I had a fluff with that post lol

Nice Zen

I can't wait for the answer to number 2 and 3!

lol... Ahhh ZEN, how I ♥ you. Most of that was actually good advice - right up until the end, when you just couldn't help yourself. :p

You're negating depreciation on the quality scale. So really 3x3= 4.5 or 5, at best.

ZENNNNNNNNNNNNN! WTF, ZENNNNNNNNNNNNN!

"Canada or France - Which country is slightly less worse than the other and why?"

This is like one of those test questions I remember getting in high school about examples of a paradox.

Have you ever tried to compare a large bag of, slightly homo-erotic, crap. To a large bag of mostly non-crap, but a large portion of the eastern edge of the bag (or province) is made up of, slightly homo-erotic, crap.

- The French helped us secede from the English, but surrendered every other war. Whereas Canada burned a portion of D.C. down.

- France is filled with French people. Whereas Canada has French people AND Canadians.

- France won the world cup once, but sense that is a little sissy sport you might as well say they one tickle fighting once. Which probably wouldn't be accurate. As they would win every tickle fight. Canada lives and breathes Hockey. I don't even think they do anything BUT play Hockey.

- France drinks wine. Canada drinks beer.

I am going to have to give the slight win to Canada. Despite the fact that when I visited I was standing in line at the "Beer Store" (I kid you not, there is a chain of stores called "The Beer Store". Not sure if that is greatest thing or the laziest) and when I tried to pay for the beer with my debit/credit card. She asked "Well is it a debit card or credit card".....which I replied with "Both...?"....and she shot back "well it has to be one or the other"....and I said "well it's not one or the other, but one AND the other". So she said "where are you from?" and I said "The south" and she screams out (mind you the line had grown to 10+ people) "Who thinks Canada is better than USA?".....and no one said a word. So I grabbed my beer and walked out. An old 80 year old lady walks up to me and says "Sorry about that young girl. Kids have no manners these days".

I assume she got knocked up by some traveling yank and now the rest of us have to suffer her.

So yes.....Canada will last longer than France when I form my army of warm weather penguins and take over the world.

can i join your army as some sort of lackey doing medial work for you or one of the high ranking penguins?

Aight its decided then... canada is slightly less worse than france. But not by much. And their rankings in terms of worseosity will be reviewed yearly.

The answer for #3 should not take this long for Zen

There are a lot of stories I can think of.

How about I let you choose, Trife.

A. The first time ZEN met a hooker.

B. A serious of stories in which there are examples of things not to do/say if you don't want to get slapped by a woman.

C. Or how no one in the Mid-West gets mad. (Special guests: Windaria & Shamrock)

what's option d?

I demand c

My vote is B. Because a) I have no idea what the fluff a serious of stories is, and b) it sounds fun.

But then again, I'm a woman and thus my vote only counts 3/5th...

lol@trife

A series of seriously serious stories. Serious.

Story 1: Tijuana, Mexico

So there we were (obviously this was well before the cartel started chopping off heads) in our favorite "cantina" known to the locals as Safari Nightclub. The usual suspects were all there. Black Sean (we call him black Sean because...well his name was Sean and he is Black), Pudge (He is 6'7 450 lbs), Millsap (She was one of the guys, so we called her by her last name. First name would have been weird), Pablito (Though he sounds like he should be serving us drinks in the club, we actually brought him with us. Surprised he didn't get stuck there), and we met up with a bunch of groups down there we always hung out with. Well there we were, drinking in the back next to the volleyball court like we always do. So one of the guys in the other group down there brought this chick who had one of the deepest voices I have ever heard. So back and forth to the bar numerous times for drinks and ZEN was starting to get a little (not so little) drunk. Well one pass said female gave ZEN the look. ZEN was not so interested. Not because she wasn't attractive, but because ZEN tried not to pick up any skanks in Tijuana. So female gets irritated with ZEN, but no major incidents occur. The night progresses. More drinks are had. Again, female gives ZEN the eye but at this point I was way too gone to consider my actions. ZEN attempts to walk by her. Chick steps in front of ZEN. ZEN tries to make his way around Chick. Chick gets in the way of ZEN again. Mind you ZEN has (2) drinks in his hands. Finally ZEN has to walk up the steps and make a loop around Chick.

As I put my drinks down on, Chick says to ZEN "Can't even talk to a girl when she steps in front of you huh? What a little fluff"

(Keep in mind this chick has a deep voice) Drunk ZEN responds "To be honest, I wasn't sure you were a girl. Can you do me a favor and check your neck to see if you have an adam's apple?"

Chick doesn't say a word, but walks up to ZEN and slaps him. Not just once. But twice. I mean big time slaps. I understood the first slap. But she waited like 5 seconds between the second one. So I was completely stunned and standing there in shock.

Meanwhile. Black Sean, Millsap, Pudge and Pablito are right behind me when this all goes down. Black Sean, without missing a single beat, grabs one of the drinks I had just put down and throws it in the chicks face.

Chick grabs another drink and tries to throw it at Black Sean. Hits Millsap.

Black Sean grabs the second drink I had just put down and throws it in chicks face AGAIN.

Meanwhile I am still standing there in shock at being slapped and having my drinks get emptied on slapper's face.

Chick runs off crying while 30 people almost cried they were laughing so hard.

So.....lesson.

Don't tell a chick she might be a dude and don't leave home without a Black Sean.

I was hoping that story ended with death by snu snu

Can we get C instead?? And you look like dude.

man the other stories in your series of stories need to improve drastically on that...

now folks this is what i like to call VINTAGE ZEN.