May 24th 2013, 12:27:35
A series of seriously serious stories. Serious.
Story 1: Tijuana, Mexico
So there we were (obviously this was well before the cartel started chopping off heads) in our favorite "cantina" known to the locals as Safari Nightclub. The usual suspects were all there. Black Sean (we call him black Sean because...well his name was Sean and he is Black), Pudge (He is 6'7 450 lbs), Millsap (She was one of the guys, so we called her by her last name. First name would have been weird), Pablito (Though he sounds like he should be serving us drinks in the club, we actually brought him with us. Surprised he didn't get stuck there), and we met up with a bunch of groups down there we always hung out with. Well there we were, drinking in the back next to the volleyball court like we always do. So one of the guys in the other group down there brought this chick who had one of the deepest voices I have ever heard. So back and forth to the bar numerous times for drinks and ZEN was starting to get a little (not so little) drunk. Well one pass said female gave ZEN the look. ZEN was not so interested. Not because she wasn't attractive, but because ZEN tried not to pick up any skanks in Tijuana. So female gets irritated with ZEN, but no major incidents occur. The night progresses. More drinks are had. Again, female gives ZEN the eye but at this point I was way too gone to consider my actions. ZEN attempts to walk by her. Chick steps in front of ZEN. ZEN tries to make his way around Chick. Chick gets in the way of ZEN again. Mind you ZEN has (2) drinks in his hands. Finally ZEN has to walk up the steps and make a loop around Chick.
As I put my drinks down on, Chick says to ZEN "Can't even talk to a girl when she steps in front of you huh? What a little fluff"
(Keep in mind this chick has a deep voice) Drunk ZEN responds "To be honest, I wasn't sure you were a girl. Can you do me a favor and check your neck to see if you have an adam's apple?"
Chick doesn't say a word, but walks up to ZEN and slaps him. Not just once. But twice. I mean big time slaps. I understood the first slap. But she waited like 5 seconds between the second one. So I was completely stunned and standing there in shock.
Meanwhile. Black Sean, Millsap, Pudge and Pablito are right behind me when this all goes down. Black Sean, without missing a single beat, grabs one of the drinks I had just put down and throws it in the chicks face.
Chick grabs another drink and tries to throw it at Black Sean. Hits Millsap.
Black Sean grabs the second drink I had just put down and throws it in chicks face AGAIN.
Meanwhile I am still standing there in shock at being slapped and having my drinks get emptied on slapper's face.
Chick runs off crying while 30 people almost cried they were laughing so hard.
So.....lesson.
Don't tell a chick she might be a dude and don't leave home without a Black Sean.